Heart... This Momentary Marriage

John Piper's book, "This Momentary Marriage" is now available for FREE download from his web-site, at http://www.desiringgod.org/media/pdf/books_bmm/bmm.pdf . It's a fairly "quick" read, at only 192 pages long, but as is usually the case in Piper's books, it is full of insightful depth, meaningful quotes, and the clear light of scripture. (By the way, Chapters 9 and 10 deal with being single in Christ, in this life as well as in the next. Married or single, if you're an adult then you're missing out on some keen insight if you don't spend some time with this book.)

Pastor Piper's reasons for the title he chose for this book were unclear and even a little concerning to me (lest it be misinterpreted by many) at first, but his grasp on the depth of life as a child of God made his title more evident as I read the first chapter, including:

"Thinking about martyrdom may seem like a strange way to begin a book on marriage. If we lived in a different world, and had a different Bible, I might think it strange. But here is what I read.
" 'Let those who have wives live as though they had none.' (1 Cor. 7:29)
" 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.' (Luke 14:26)
" 'Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers
or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive
many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.' (Luke
18:29–30)
"I take those verses to mean: Marriage is a good gift of God, but the world is fallen, and sin abounds, and obedience is costly, and suffering is to be expected, and 'a person’s enemies will be those of his own household' (Matt. 10:36). High romance and passionate sexual intimacy and precious children may come. But hold them loosely—as though you were not holding them. This is what Bonhoeffer represents. To keep his life and meaning before us throughout this book, I will let him speak briefly on the facing pages at the beginning of each chapter.
"Romance, sex, and childbearing are temporary gifts of God. They are not part of the next life. And they are not guaranteed even for this life. They are one possible path along the narrow way to Paradise. Marriage passes through breathtaking heights and through swamps with choking vapors. It makes many things sweeter, and with it come bitter providences."

Dealing with "Faith and Sex in Marriage" in Chapter 11, he writes,

" Turn with me now to reflect on the implications of Hebrews 13:4–5. 'Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money.' It is remarkable that the writer puts money and the marriage bed side by side. It is not a coincidence that most counselors today would put money and sexual relations near the top of their lists of trouble spots in marriage. Agreement in money matters and harmony in the marriage bed don’t come easily. Our focus is on the marriage bed. But don’t lose sight of how closely connected the two are. The pursuit of power and pleasure mingle in these two areas as in no others."

Since many of us (yes, even true Christians) struggle in this area, I was particularly interested in his insights into what many others have called marital "intimacy" (the contemporary Christian word for the gift of sex in marriage). Would he end up repeating the same half-hearted, ambiguous lines about finding common ground and making it "easy" on one another that we hear and read so often from many "Christian marriage" seminars and authors, or would he address the subject boldly in the light of God's Word?

Pastor Piper certainly does not disappoint here, either, in fact so much so that I almost hate to take just one excerpt, so, with apologies for the long quote (in order to try to keep from taking it out of context even more than quoting necessitates), consider the following just an imperfectly-grabbed bit of a chapter which is worthy of so much more (and so should be read in full):

"The third thing that we can say about faith and sexual relations in marriage is that faith uses sex against Satan. Consider 1 Corinthians 7:3–5:
'The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so
that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.'
"In Ephesians 6:16 Paul says we should ward off Satan with the shield of faith. Here he says to married people, 'Ward off Satan with sufficient sexual intercourse. Don’t abstain too long, but come together soon, so that Satan will gain no foothold.'
"Well, which is it? Do we guard ourselves from Satan with the shield of faith or the shield of sex? The answer for married people is that faith makes use of sexual intercourse as a means of grace. For the people God leads into marriage, sexual relations are a God-ordained means of overcoming temptation to sin (the sin of adultery, the sin of sexual fantasizing, the sin of pornography). Faith humbly accepts such gifts and offers thanks.
"Notice something else in 1 Corinthians 7:3–5. This is very important. In verse 4 Paul says that the man and the woman have rights over each other’s bodies. When the two become one flesh, their bodies are at each other’s disposal. Each has the right to lay claim to the other’s body for sexual gratification.
"But what we really need to see is what Paul commands in verses 3 and 5 in view of these mutual rights. He does not say, 'Therefore stake your claim! Take your rights!' He says, 'Husband, give her the rights that belong to her! Wife, give him the rights that belong to him!' (v. 3). And in verse 4: 'Do not refuse one another.' In other
words, he does not encourage the husband or wife who wants sexual gratification
to seize it without concern for the other’s needs. Instead, he urges both husband and wife to always be ready to give his or her body when the other wants it.
"I infer from this and from Jesus’ teaching in general that happy and fulfilling sexual relations in marriage depend on each partner aiming to give satisfaction to the other. If it is the joy of each to make the other happy, a hundred problems will be solved before they happen.
"Husbands, if it is your joy to bring her satisfaction, you will be sensitive to what she needs and wants. You will learn that the preparation for satisfactory sexual intercourse at 10 p.m. begins with tender words at 7 a.m. and continues through the day as kindness and respect. And when the time comes, you will not come on like a Sherman tank, but you will know her pace and bring her skillfully along. Unless she gives you the signal, you will say, 'Her climax, not mine, is the goal.' And you will find in the long run that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
"Wives, it is not always the case, but usually it seems that your husband wants sexual relations more often than you do. Martin Luther said he found twice a week to be ample protection from the Tempter.1 I don’t know if his wife, Katie, was up for it every time or not. But if you’re not, give it anyway, unless there are extraordinary
circumstances. I do not say to you husbands, 'Take it anyway.' In fact, for her
sake, you may go without. The goal is to outdo one another in giving what the
other wants (Rom. 12:10). Both of you, make it your aim to satisfy each
other as fully as possible."

It is by the grace of God that our world is blessed commonly, and that His children are blessed specifically. I am reminded to be immensely thankful for both when I consider the writings of men such as John Piper.